Still drifting.

    I still feel like I am drifting. I have been at my sister-in-laws house for 1 week now. I have seen old pictures of my husband and even one of his mug shots. I was given one of his first baby toys, which was a stuffed mouse wearing a little yellow hat. That mouse is 48 years old. I was also told somethings about my husband that I did not know. 20 years ago my husband's first wife and his 8 year old daughter Heather was killed in a car accident. I never knew this because it brings up painful memories for my husband. I truly understand why he never told me and why he made a cover story about his first wife. My heart aches for him. I can't imagine the pain he has carried for all these years. Now I understand why he treats me as if I am a delicate egg. Now I understand why he is so protective over me. I love my husband I am just frustrated about him not working. I have done everything but get on my knees and beg him.
    I am the proud owner of a almost 3 year old blue nose pit bull. He is my second love after my husband. I refuse to give him up just to get a home. Right now I live in a tent with my dog and 2 cats. I take very good care of my fur babies. I keep hoping that someone will give us a chance to rent a place but after calling over 100 places I am always turned down because of my dogs breed. He is protective of me but he is a love bug who had a rough start in life before I got him. He has every reason to hate people but he does not all he wants is love. I know there has to be some where I can live that won't make me give up my dog.
    I sit here alone with so many feelings running thru me. Part of me wants to cry part of me is just so numb. I want my family to have a safe place. A place for my husband and I to grow old in. I don't want to be homeless forever. I dislike most people and at times I love how quite my home is. To lay in bed at night and hear nothing but frogs and crickets is bliss for me. I love to lay there and know that for that moment life is okay. I know you have to go thru the bad to get to the good. I have faith that we will find something soon.