So as I sit here trying so hard to drown out the sounds of this house I am listening to Carrie Underwood's new song Blown Away. Last night was very rough for me. My 7 year old nephew got into some trouble and in my opinion his mom took it to far. Not only was she screaming at him but she threw a bottle of lotion very hard at him and hit him many times with some rolled up papers like you would a dog. At times I want to treat her the way she does my nephews and my brother. I want to make her cry like she does them. When and if I ever have a baby I will Never treat my kid like that. They are this age only once and they are children. They are allowed to make mistakes and to forget things like reading for 30 min or talking to their teacher. I do not think she enjoys being a mom and she feels more like she is trapped then enjoying seeing her kids grow and learn new things. She is from a different country and is here in America and as my mom says she is looking for the American dream. My brother and her have been together for 4 years and he loves her but she treats him like crap. There have been a few times in just the last few days that I have wanted to treat her the way she treats everyone else.
I love my brother and when we were kids we always had each other's back. Then he got older and left home for the airforce. I missed him so much and apart of me was lost without him. It was not till recent that I really came to terms with this. I had buried the pain so deep but seeing him and coming to his home opened a old wound and I still have not told him how much him leaving me hurt. I know this is part of life and how things work but you would have to understand events that happened before he left.
When I was in the 6th grade I was molested by my uncle who worked in the church. He used my belief in God and the current loss of my grandfather to get to me. It gradually built from rubbing to touching to beyond. This happened over a year period and at first I thought it was ok because he was comforting me in my time of pain from the death of my grandfather. But when it got to the point that he cornered me and did everything but penetrate me I said hey your my uncle this is not right. My parents where there for a little while for support but after a couple of months I felt all alone. When my brother found out he wanted to go that night an kick my uncle's ass. My brother has always supported me and protected me. After I was molested I lost all sense of who I was and where I belonged. Who I could trust and who was just there to hurt me eventually.
I have since moved on to some degree and I am still kind of lost. When I was 18 my parents put me out and no matter what I said or did I was not welcomed in there home. I still am not welcomed and since then I have been fighting with homelessness. I don't want to live on the streets but I just can't seem to catch a break. Today is full 3 days I have been at my brothers and since I have been here there has been nothing but drama and screaming and yelling. How can people live like that?
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